QUESTION: We all know friendships take work & intentionality. It’s rarely something we “fall into.” How important is it to be intentional in creating & developing friendships?
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Cathleen Zahradnik: Relationships don’t just happen. We have to be intentional about initiating & maintaining them. It can be easy to wait for others to reach out & then feel lonely when they don’t. I have found when I reach out & initiate contact, the relationship is more likely to go somewhere.
In ministry, we can get caught up in the work & forget the things that feed us. I found myself busy with ministry & not making time to reach out to friends in order to maintain those relationships. I have a reminder on my phone of “Reach out.” It reminds me weekly to call, send a text/email, or set up a get together with a friend. That reminder has helped me develop a habit of thinking more outwardly & not get so ministry focused that I forget to focus relationally.
 

QUESTION: At different stages of life, friendships can look different. Sarah, how important have your friendships been, & what are some  challenges you have had to overcome in finding friendships as a mom with young kids?
 
Sarah Martin: Meaningful relationships have always been something I valued. Having people in my corner  walking with me through dark valleys & rejoicing with me in good times has truly blessed me. The hardest part of finding friendships is having unrealistic expectations for our current season of life.  It takes a lot of boundary setting, intention, communication & openness to foster solid friendships.
 

QUESTION: Author Sophie Hudson writes, “Life is infinitely richer when people are our priority.” When we’re in ministry, it often feels like we are in the “people business.”  It is easy to neglect our own need for friendship. How do you make sure you are cultivating friendships that are life-giving?
 
Jill Pelkey:  

• Be honest with yourself & others. Be honest by evaluating if a friendship is reciprocal or if it is mostly work for you. Make sure you are not just engaged in pouring out but being poured into as well. This may mean intentionally seeking friendships with peers in ministry.
• Be honest with others. You don’t have to hang out with everyone who asks. You are human & you have limits. That’s the way God made all of us, marvelously limited.
• Remind yourself that a life-giving friendship doesn’t have to be deep! You can have friends you simply hang with, laugh and have fun! 

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​QUESTION: Everybody – no matter the age – craves a safe place with safe people. Sometimes it’s hard to know who you can trust & what you can share. Have you ever been betrayed by a friend? How do you navigate friendship & confidentiality, trusting someone with your heart?
 
Cathleen: I wouldn’t say I’ve been betrayed by a friend, but I have been disappointed. A helpful scripture is John 2:24, “Jesus entrusted Himself to no one because He knew what was in people’s hearts.” This is not giving permission to not trust people, but it does give us permission to be selective in who we trust & with what information.
At one time there were things going on in our personal lives that we didn’t share with the church because many of them would not have handled it well, but we did share with some people. We didn’t hide it, but we didn’t broadcast it either. It isn’t being fake to not share everything. It is being wise and discerning.
 
QUESTION: Proverbs 27:18 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” How have you seen this to be true in your own life? What is the importance of Biblical friendship? 
 
Jill: Saying to friends “I value you and your opinion and I’m open to feedback here.” Praying with friends, doing a deep dive Bible Study together. Texting ministry friends encouraging words on a Sunday. We can receive difficult texts of “I am not going to be able to volunteer today” or “Can you cover my class today?” so receiving an encouraging text from someone who understands is a great gift. When you see a tough Facebook post, reach out and encourage your friends in ministry. Don’t gloss over what your ministry friends are going through. We can support each other. 
 
QUESTION: All too often in our relationships we content ourselves with the superficial and miss the significant. How do you get past the superficial, & into the significant in friendship?
 
Sarah: I’ve always found asking questions is key. Rather than just accepting an answer like, “I’m good” to the question “How are you?” I ask, “What did you do this week?” or “What made today good?” etc.  When you take the time to go deeper in conversations your friends feel seen and heard. And it’s often reciprocated.
 
QUESTION: In our first session we talked about how we are made for relationship. Mary & Elizabeth were in similar seasons. They “got” each other. When the Holy Spirit in one woman recognizes & responds to the Holy Spirit in another woman, safe places become sacred places. What do you say to the woman who hasn’t experienced that & is walking through a season of loneliness?

Cathleen: I don’t want to minimize how that feels. Everyone experiences loneliness. There are things we can learn in those lonely seasons. First, press into God. Ask Him what He wants you to learn through this season. Second, reach out. Let those close with you know your feelings & stay connected with them. Take initiative to connect with new relationships. Be patient & let God work in you.
 
QUESTION: Sarah, you have creative & intentional ways of developing friendships. What are some practical ways you have created & developed meaningful friendships?
 
Sarah: I have a group of mom friends I meet with for a fun “event” at least 1-2 times a year. We’ve gone to the beach, kayaked, & even rented an air BNB for a night. It doesn’t have to be fancy or cost anything really. At other times we’ve gone to someone’s house for the night in sweats & enjoyed snacks. We connect almost daily, keeping conversation, prayer & our friendships strong.
 
QUESTION: Many times we pray for God to send someone new into our lives. But is it possible to open our eyes & see people in the places we already are? Philippians 2:4 reminds us to not look to our own interests but look to the interests of others. In John 15:13, Jesus says, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” How can we do this?
 
Jill: Be open to friendships with others in different generations. During my college summer internship. I went from dorm life to knowing no one. I asked the Lord to lead me to a friend. One day I felt prompted to pull into a church. As clear as day God told me I would find a friend there. I walked in yet there were only older people. It was too awkward to leave so I sat down. I was so annoyed to be there, I thought I must not have heard God correctly. The Pastor had us get in groups of three to pray. At the end, the couple I prayed with said, “This may seem odd but we have a daughter your age looking for Christian friends. She’s usually here but couldn’t make it tonight.” The rest of the summer Bianca & I had the best time doing all the fun summer things. God can miraculously provide friends for us. He did for me.

 by Xiomara Beltre

Have you ever received a gift that touched your heart so deeply it left a mark on your soul?
 
My story begins with a bag from Cuba. I love purses and when I saw a unique purse being made, I couldn't resist. I asked if I could purchase one. They told me it was just a sample and not for sale. I was disappointed but understood. The following day, to my surprise, they gifted me with that purse. Their resources were scarce, and this gesture was a sacrifice. Their giving hearts touched me in a way I can hardly put into words. It made me reflect on the importance of meaningful gifts in our lives, and it got me thinking about the best gift of all: forgiveness.

Forgiveness in the Face of Betrayal
In Genesis 23, we find the story of twin brothers, Jacob & Esau. Their story is filled with conflict & betrayal, starting with their conception. Their parents' favoritism complicated their relationship. Jacob's deceit in stealing Esau's birthright left Esau hurt & betrayed. Their relationship deteriorated to the point where they didn't speak for twenty years. They parted ways as described in Genesis 27. This family was torn apart by hurt and unforgiveness.
 
This can be a familiar pattern in our lives: hurt and unforgiveness can wreak havoc and tear families and relationships apart.

The Weight of Hurt and Unforgiveness
Hurt is an inevitable part of our human relationships. We all carry the weight of past hurts, like bags filled with the emotional baggage of lies, jealousy, betrayal, bullying, abuse, & more. These experiences can build up anger, bitterness, & eventually lead to unforgiveness & become a burden weighing us down.
 
As women, we often carry physical bags, purses, & totes filled with too many items. Carrying emotional baggage is far less enjoyable, & it can have a heavy impact on our lives. 

The Transformative Power of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is not easy, but it is essential. It is not about forgetting or justifying someone's actions or putting up with abuse. Forgiveness is a deliberate decision to pardon, renounce anger or resentment, & build healthy boundaries. It is a resolution & process that leads to joy, peace, relief, and freedom.
 
Forgiveness allows us to put down the baggage we've been carrying & extend to others the same forgiveness God has given us. It leads to restoration in our relationship with God, with ourselves and with others.
 
How Do We Forgive?
To embrace forgiveness we must:

• Remember our need for forgiveness
• Receive God's forgiveness
• Release the person who has hurt us. 

 
This process allows us to experience the freedom & restoration that forgiveness offers. I want to leave you with this thought: God wants to make your load lighter; He wants you to be whole.
 
Just as we have been forgiven, we must also extend forgiveness to others. Let go of the heavy burdens of hurt & unforgiveness. Embrace the gift of forgiveness. It is truly one of the best gifts you can give and receive. May your heart be filled with the grace of forgiveness & may you find strength to let go of the burdens that have weighed you down for too long. 

 -Our life journeys can take us down roads of loneliness, yet God has hard-wired us with a longing to be seen, loved, and known. Even at creation He tells us it’s not good for us to be alone. (Genesis 2:18)
No matter your personality type, background in friendships, or ministry mindset - you were created for friendship.
God fashioned us for friendship. His desire is for us to have a relationship with Him and relationship with others. We journey better when we have others walking with us.
All of us were born into families, giving us a base for relationships. Many of us are also married, giving us another circle of companionship in our lives. God speaks about friendship and gives us some powerful examples of how friendships bring blessings and benefits to our lives. 

MARY & ELIZABETH—Matthew 26:6-13
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Mary and Elizabeth faced some out-of-the-ordinary circumstances. Both were called by God to unusual pregnancies. These high and important callings would also bring judgment and criticism from their communities.  Elizabeth and Mary were in tough places, yet God provided strength and encouragement by bringing them together.
When Mary asked the angel, “How will this be?” Gabriel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you… and the holy one born will be called the Son of God.”  Then Gabriel went on to let Mary know, “Even Elizabeth, your relative, is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was unable to conceive is in her sixth month. For no word from God will ever fail.”
Mary got ready and traveled to join Elizabeth. When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the baby leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. They embraced and encouraged each other. (Luke 2:39-56)
 In the midst of shared confusion, distress, uncertainty, and fear, Elizabeth spoke words of blessing over Mary, showering her with affirmation, joy, and hope. And with thankfulness, Mary praised God with Elizabeth. They were an encouragement and blessing to each other.

​The scriptures tell us Mary went to Elizabeth during her sixth month and Mary stayed with her for three months.  These small but significant details show us how the Lord provided for Mary. In Mary’s uncertainty, God provided her an example of how to do this pregnancy and birthing thing. God knew Mary would be alone when her time came so He provided an example for her. For both Mary and Elizabeth, their time together and friendship was a blessing and benefit to each of them.
In our lives, God provides us with other ministry women who have gone before us and experienced ministry highs and lows. Connecting with others and sharing experiences can bring us wisdom, direction, and encouragement for our own journeys. 

This is the power of friendship.

• When unsure of God’s promises, friends help us believe.
• When scared, friends give us courage to push forward.
• When overwhelmed, friends help us rest.
• When life falls apart, friends give us courage to believe.
• When outcast by others, a friend holds us near.

Friendships fill gaps in our lives, providing us with a wide variety of support, love, and encouragement. 

Elijah called down fire from heaven, defeated prophets of Baal, & caused a drought in Israel for three years through prayer. To help Elijah carry out his work, God saw fit to send Elisha, a friend and eventual successor, for Elijah. Theirs was a unique friendship. There was a maturity difference, both in age and experience, yet it worked. They both benefited and were blessed through their relationship. Their holy friendship displayed another important aspect of relationship: Choosing friends purposefully.
God directed Elijah to go find Elisha. This was God appointed. They journeyed together until the end. Elisha was devoted to his friend and mentor. He knew Elijah would make an excellent guide.
As we grow in our callings, mentoring type friendships are important. God provides individuals who take us further in our callings by sharing experiences, wisdom, and knowledge.

How can we do this? —-Connect with others who are wise, holy and passionate about what they do. In bringing himself close to Elijah, Elisha prepared himself for his destiny. He connected with a mentor and friend who would help him become a worthy prophet and servant of God.

NAOMI & RUTH (Ruth 1:16-18)
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​Naomi and Ruth’s relationship is a beautiful picture of staying faithful through heartbreak. They traveled some heartbreaking circumstances together. They both lost their husbands, homes, and provision. Yet they stayed together though their culture & customs said they were no longer obligated to each other.
In Naomi’s place of bitterness and hardships, Ruth stayed faithful. Through endurance and faithfulness, Ruth and Naomi were both blessed. Ruth trusted Naomi’s wisdom and “redemption” plan. Naomi was blessed with renewed life and future generations.
The more we travel with others through thick and thin; moving through stops and starts; taking turns in leading and following —- we can lovingly, consistently, and patiently point each other to Jesus, our Redeemer.
These Biblical examples show us the blessings and benefits of friendship.

​Life is going to come at us but when we have the blessing of friendships, mentors and enduring relationships, we can better handle what life brings us.
In our lives and ministries, we can fill up our schedules and feel overloaded by burdens. We often don’t leave space in our lives for friendships. Yet God fashioned us for friendship and doing life together. When we make relationships a priority, our lives are richer and fuller. When we have others on our journey we are not alone. I encourage you to make room for friendship. Make a concentrated effort to invest in others and allow others to pour into you.

Our summer ministry schedule is a little bit more relaxed. We plan backyard barbeques, enjoy picnics, family campouts and a whole host of other relationship building moments with our church families. So when the full-fledged ministry schedule kicks back into gear, along with school and other obligations the schedules can seem a bit full. The challenge of getting back into a full swing schedule and thrive in it can feel a bit much. So I thought I would share some ideas for making the transition from summer to a more scheduled time.
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This is a great time to sit down with your family and decide what you want this season to look like. Using the principle of putting the “big rocks” on the schedule first will help you evaluate the important things that need to happen. This can also go for ministry and work schedules as well. When you have the big things in the schedule then you can re-evaluate the other obligations and scheduling conflicts.
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​Expenses and income should be evaluated as well especially in our economy today with our dollar not going as far as it used to. The budget will also influence the schedule as well in determining what can and should be done.
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​After summer break it’s a good idea to sort, organize, and replenish supplies for the new season. It’s also nice to have a clean slate and space to start again.
 

​Summer days are for late nights and lazy mornings. But all good things must come to an end, and that includes a relaxed bedtime schedule. Start going to bed a little earlier each night and getting up a little earlier each day. Adjusting gradually will be better especially for kids going back to school. 
 

​If you want to be productive, moving your body helps. Exercise builds our stamina to endure more and gives us more energy throughout the day. Even just a 20 minute walk or stretching regularly can make a difference.
 

​Even though we are heading into a more heavily scheduled season it doesn’t mean we still can’t have some fun. Scheduling some fun gives us a break and something to look forward to on the calendar.
 

​JUMP INTO THE CONVERSATION:

artificial light and blackout curtains, my kitchen is spotless. But let the natural light of the sunshine through and every spot I haven't touched or just ignored becomes pretty evident.
​In that moment I felt the Lord place on my heart, ‘just as the sun in the sky exposes what is underneath and hidden; the light of His Son exposes what is truly underneath and hidden in our lives and hearts.'

Luke 2:2-3 states, "There is nothing concealed that will not be made known. What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in the ear in the inner rooms will be proclaimed from the roofs."
The Message translates it like this:

In other words, God wants to expose those things in our lives that we have kept hidden because they aren’t healthy. They aren’t edifying. They are what is keeping us from being and becoming everything Christ desires us to be.
So many times, as Christian women, especially as women in ministry, we hide behind the façade of perfection. We hide behind the busyness of ministry, family, work, you name it. We’re not fully allowing the Holy Spirit to deal with the areas He is exposing.
The first thing I wanted to do when I saw everything the sunlight exposed was to close the curtains! I did not want to deal with it. If I’m being honest, there are still some spots in my kitchen I have yet to deep clean!
We tend to do the same thing with God. We don’t want to deal with what He’s exposing because it means addressing some uncomfortable and vulnerable truths, we have tried to hide behind the blackout curtains of our lives. We have people convinced we have it all together. I think many times we have convinced ourselves as well. 

God isn’t exposing our stuff to condemn us. He’s exposing it so He can heal us. When we said ‘Yes’ to Jesus we said Yes to His will. And His will wants to break those chains and generational curses of bitterness, offense, unforgiveness, anger, and many others.
I am not just a woman in ministry. I am not just a female pastor. I am not just a mother, friend, daughter, and sister. I am a broken vessel God is making whole. We all are. 

​So, how do we allow the love of Christ to begin the cleansing where we need to be restored?

•  First, we start by being honest with ourselves. We call our sin what it is – pride, fear, anger, resentment, unforgiveness, lust, indifference. We don’t do ourselves or others any favors by pretending everything is okay. 

People value honesty and vulnerability. They can tell when someone is faking it. Some of the biggest breakthroughs happen when we let go and allow others to see we aren’t perfect. Sometimes it’s okay to not be okay. When we let others in, we model what it looks like to surrender our sin, our pain, and our brokenness to a Savior who allowed Himself to be broken so we can be made whole.

• Secondly, we repent and pray. Now that we made ourselves vulnerable to God and to others, we simply repent and talk to God. Acts 3:19 (NIV) states, “Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.” God promises times of refreshing, but we must repent and turn away from what is keeping us from Him. Then we reap the benefit that comes when we turn to Him.

Don’t close the curtains on what God is doing but instead pay attention to where He is shining His light of grace and revelation in your life.
God’s light exposing those areas is for our good. Turn toward Him and let His grace shine bright in your life.