One definition of FORGE is forming by hearing/hammering/beating into shape. Forge can also mean “to form, make, especially by concentrated effort.” To form & build strong relationships with others we must make a concentrated effort in investing in others & relationship building. For our final session at our Central region’s Encourage Connect, a panel of ministry ladies shared their thoughts & ideas around “forging forward in relationships” & how we can do that in various seasons of life. May their sharing of ideas be an encouragement to you. QUESTION: We all know friendships take work & intentionality. It’s rarely something we “fall into.” How important is it to be intentional in creating & developing friendships? Cathleen Zahradnik: Relationships don’t just happen. We have to be intentional about initiating & maintaining them. It can be easy to wait for others to reach out & then feel lonely when they don’t. I have found when I reach out & initiate contact, the relationship is more likely to go somewhere. In ministry, we can get caught up in the work & forget the things that feed us. I found myself busy with ministry & not making time to reach out to friends in order to maintain those relationships. I have a reminder on my phone of “Reach out.” It reminds me weekly to call, send a text/email, or set up a get together with a friend. That reminder has helped me develop a habit of thinking more outwardly & not get so ministry focused that I forget to focus relationally. QUESTION: At different stages of life, friendships can look different. Sarah, how important have your friendships been, & what are some challenges you have had to overcome in finding friendships as a mom with young kids? Sarah Martin: Meaningful relationships have always been something I valued. Having people in my corner walking with me through dark valleys & rejoicing with me in good times has truly blessed me. The hardest part of finding friendships is having unrealistic expectations for our current season of life. It takes a lot of boundary setting, intention, communication & openness to foster solid friendships. QUESTION: Author Sophie Hudson writes, “Life is infinitely richer when people are our priority.” When we’re in ministry, it often feels like we are in the “people business.” It is easy to neglect our own need for friendship. How do you make sure you are cultivating friendships that are life-giving? Jill Pelkey:
QUESTION: Everybody – no matter the age – craves a safe place with safe people. Sometimes it’s hard to know who you can trust & what you can share. Have you ever been betrayed by a friend? How do you navigate friendship & confidentiality, trusting someone with your heart? Cathleen: I wouldn’t say I’ve been betrayed by a friend, but I have been disappointed. A helpful scripture is John 2:24, “Jesus entrusted Himself to no one because He knew what was in people’s hearts.” This is not giving permission to not trust people, but it does give us permission to be selective in who we trust & with what information. At one time there were things going on in our personal lives that we didn’t share with the church because many of them would not have handled it well, but we did share with some people. We didn’t hide it, but we didn’t broadcast it either. It isn’t being fake to not share everything. It is being wise and discerning. QUESTION: Proverbs 27:18 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” How have you seen this to be true in your own life? What is the importance of Biblical friendship? Jill: Saying to friends “I value you and your opinion and I’m open to feedback here.” Praying with friends, doing a deep dive Bible Study together. Texting ministry friends encouraging words on a Sunday. We can receive difficult texts of “I am not going to be able to volunteer today” or “Can you cover my class today?” so receiving an encouraging text from someone who understands is a great gift. When you see a tough Facebook post, reach out and encourage your friends in ministry. Don’t gloss over what your ministry friends are going through. We can support each other. QUESTION: All too often in our relationships we content ourselves with the superficial and miss the significant. How do you get past the superficial, & into the significant in friendship? Sarah: I’ve always found asking questions is key. Rather than just accepting an answer like, “I’m good” to the question “How are you?” I ask, “What did you do this week?” or “What made today good?” etc. When you take the time to go deeper in conversations your friends feel seen and heard. And it’s often reciprocated. QUESTION: In our first session we talked about how we are made for relationship. Mary & Elizabeth were in similar seasons. They “got” each other. When the Holy Spirit in one woman recognizes & responds to the Holy Spirit in another woman, safe places become sacred places. What do you say to the woman who hasn’t experienced that & is walking through a season of loneliness? Cathleen: I don’t want to minimize how that feels. Everyone experiences loneliness. There are things we can learn in those lonely seasons. First, press into God. Ask Him what He wants you to learn through this season. Second, reach out. Let those close with you know your feelings & stay connected with them. Take initiative to connect with new relationships. Be patient & let God work in you. QUESTION: Sarah, you have creative & intentional ways of developing friendships. What are some practical ways you have created & developed meaningful friendships? Sarah: I have a group of mom friends I meet with for a fun “event” at least 1-2 times a year. We’ve gone to the beach, kayaked, & even rented an air BNB for a night. It doesn’t have to be fancy or cost anything really. At other times we’ve gone to someone’s house for the night in sweats & enjoyed snacks. We connect almost daily, keeping conversation, prayer & our friendships strong. QUESTION: Many times we pray for God to send someone new into our lives. But is it possible to open our eyes & see people in the places we already are? Philippians 2:4 reminds us to not look to our own interests but look to the interests of others. In John 15:13, Jesus says, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” How can we do this? Jill: Be open to friendships with others in different generations. During my college summer internship. I went from dorm life to knowing no one. I asked the Lord to lead me to a friend. One day I felt prompted to pull into a church. As clear as day God told me I would find a friend there. I walked in yet there were only older people. It was too awkward to leave so I sat down. I was so annoyed to be there, I thought I must not have heard God correctly. The Pastor had us get in groups of three to pray. At the end, the couple I prayed with said, “This may seem odd but we have a daughter your age looking for Christian friends. She’s usually here but couldn’t make it tonight.” The rest of the summer Bianca & I had the best time doing all the fun summer things. God can miraculously provide friends for us. He did for me.
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