Am I a "Real" Pastor's Wife?

In our ministry life, hurtful words can be said that go deeper than we would like to admit.  Stereotypes about ministry women have been tossed around over the years and few are helpful.  God calls individuals to ministry from a variety of backgrounds to serve in a vast number of avenues. We have varying relationship status’, educational training, gifts and talents along with vocational aspirations.  And what really constitutes a “real pastor’s wife” anyways? We are ministry individuals and ministry families in all the ways we find ourselves. Other people’s titles bestowed on us don’t override what God says. God’s plans place us in a variety of situations and give us innumerable opportunities to minister. Don’t be sidetracked by stereotypes, but instead walk in the path God has laid out before you and take in the beauty of the journey He has you on.
 

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WRITTEN BY SHANNON SCHMIDT: ​I smile when I look at this old picture. So young. So many things I wish I could tell my then new-to-ministry self!
Twenty-five years ago, we had only been in ministry a few months. I was attending an event and overheard the lady in charge say she was going to recognize the pastors’ wives. My pastor’s wife informed her my name was not on the list. Her reply was both loud and clear, “she’s not a REAL pastor’s wife.” The emphasis I heard on the word REAL was shocking! She implied that since my husband was a youth pastor I had no

place wearing that title. Wow. Talk about applying insult especially from a seasoned pastor’s wife that should have known better.

Honestly, it took time to get over that comment. Every day the enemy would bring it up as I made my way to work. I worked a job so we could be in ministry. For insurance. For groceries. For rent. My husband worked an early morning job plus hours at the church. So why couldn’t I hold the title of pastor’s wife? I struggled --- a bitter root took hold. I had a BA from Bible College. I worked a job renting used furniture and appliances. I never took my purse to work for fear of roaches coming home with me! We ate so many meals of ramen noodles that I cringe when I walk by them today. All for a call.

• A call from God to pastor teenagers.
• A call I shared along with my husband ...but on that day, someone thought I didn’t deserve a title of a “real” pastor’s wife.

At a recent event, I shared on how we need connection as women in ministry - as wives of pastors. We need to know there are:

• Not-so-real pastor’s wives just like me -- Working hard. Loving Jesus. Struggling with their place.
• Women need to know they are not alone.

 If that’s you— It’s time to connect! And here are some ways:

• Attend a Coffee Connect
• Call/text another ministry woman
• Connect in our Facebook group. (Encourage Ministry Women)
• Attend our Encourage Connection dates in 2022
• Schedule a babysitter and a coffee date with another local ministry woman.
• Attend your sectional events when possible
• Have a walking date with women in your area.
• Support each other by sending a card, a text
• Make connection a priority.

 However you do it, it is worth it. You are worth it!
Something shared during these times might spark a common interest or a connection of the heart so when there is a time of need we can reach out for prayer and support!

So wherever the ministry life finds you or if you’re asking the question “Am I a real pastor’s wife?” Know you are not alone. You matter more than you think! You need friendships and connections so you can thrive in your life and relationships. YOU are the REAL deal, friend, and there are other REAL-DEAL friends waiting for connection like you. Take a chance, connect with others and you will both be better for that step taken toward connection.
 
You are chosen by God. You belong and you are not alone.

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Shannon Schmidt is a seasoned pastor’s wife of 25 years in NY. She became a “real pastor’s wife” after 11 years of Youth Ministry. She has had many “titles” over the years but none more fulfilling than knowing she is chosen by God and placed in the Western Section to come alongside other REAL women, working hard, loving Jesus, and struggling at times with their place.